Saturday, September 3, 2011

The Advantages of Not Having Anything

This summer, for some reason, I was struck by how little I have compared to my friends. I've got friends who own cars, homes, homes with new additions, summer homes, big screen TVs, big wardrobes, multiple computers, iPhones/Pads/Pods, big sofas, dining room tables, yards, driveways, investments, 401Ks, diversified portfolios, etc. These were friends who were exactly like me long ago, when we were high school pals or sharing a crappy house in college.

And I wondered, what happened to me? Why don't I own anything? I have no property, no car, no television, no stereo, no summer home, and a meager wardrobe. I've got some books, and a teacher's pension (which they always threaten to take away). What did I do wrong? I kind of felt like there was a homework assignment I forgot about that everyone else did.

But there is one advantage to not having anything. There's nothing to rob.

My home in Somerville was robbed yesterday. At 1 pm in the afternoon someone popped off a screen and climbed through a window. They went through the house and ransacked everything. Three laptops from three of my roommates were stolen, along with a couple of nice cameras.

My room? Well, when I walked in there was stuff strewn everywhere. The thief opened drawers, threw out their contents, and looked for something of value to steal. There was nothing. I almost feel like I let him down.

He even came across my crappy, old, out-of-date iPods. Yes, I have two iPod shuffles. They were the first two versions ever made: no touch screen, barely any memory, and the haven't been sold in retail for years. Both of those were taken out of a drawer and were thrown on my bed. Which means the thief saw them, COULD have put them in his pocket, but decided it wasn't worth it.

All he took was a cup of change. It wasn't even my little dish of quarters, which were on another shelf and harder to find. It was just a mug of pennies, nickels, and dimes--$8 at the most. I don't even think it was worth it for the robber, but he might have taken it just because he was angry that I had NOTHING TO STEAL.

Being poor has its advantages. You should try it; it disappoints the right people.

Mr. Jordan on the First Day of Class

Now that I'm adept at Cambridge urban slang (see previous post) . . .

MR. JORDAN: Yo yo, what's poppin' slimes? What's good? I'm Mr. Jordan, and this English class is gonna be mad hard but mad fun. Just so you know, I do get aggy when my students act like sherms and turn in work late. So make sure you swing me your assignments on time so I can peep them right away. You'll need to go ham on my tests, and just so you don't get completely salted, make sure you study mad amounts and dog it out. If I rash you on some of your papers, it's only because I want you to be a better writer. More than anything, when you dip from this class I want you to be good with language . . . so next time you see a dime and want to spit g's at that shorty, you'll have a facility for more poetic, creative ways of speaking.

STUDENTS: On dogs Mr. J, on dogs. (Then turning to each other and murmuring to themselves) I feel like I'm really connecting to this teacher. He is speaking our language, the language of our urban upbringing.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Slang at CRLS

CRLS is the school where I teach. The only public high school in Cambridge, MA. It stands for Cambridge Rindge and Latin School. Try saying that 10 times fast.

It's categorized as an urban school, which mostly means it's a place where black students attend. Or low-income students. Or low-income black students.

I'm heading back there next week, and the students will be in the classroom the day after Labor Day. Which means I should brush up on all the slang I learned last year. Here's my growing vocabulary list:

"we're sherms" - we're spacey, we're not being smart
"swing" - pass (as in "swing that pencil to me")
"peep" - see (as in "let me peep that book")
"dog it out" - tough it out
"to rash" - to criticize
"on dogs" - fair to say, I agree
"to dip" - to leave abruptly (as in "gotta dip," gotta leave now)
"ham" - hard as a motherfucker
"what's poppin' slime?" - what's going on? (followed by "nothin' five.")
"what's good?" - what's up?
"spittin g's at a shorty" - hitting on a girl
"mad" - very (an oft used intensifier, as in "that test was mad hard")
"aggy" - mad, angry (from aggravated)
"she's a dime" - she's a good looking girl (a ten)
"forcing it" - trying too hard, one step too far
"jackie" - whatever
"salted/saulted" - you got burned, you got owned (uncleared whether it comes from "salt in the wounds" or "assaulted")

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Under Attack

It's strange. I sort of feel that, as a public school teacher, I'm under attack. With the current assault on unions, with the national budget crisis, with constant talk about the deficit, it feels like a lot of politicians and much of the public is coming after us. Supposedly we are fat cats, we've got bloated pensions and salaries, we're the excess and the drain on the economy.

Funny, I've been a public teacher for 17 years and I don't have enough money to buy a home or condo. Because I moved from Illinois to Massachusetts, I'm not contributing one dollar to any kind of pension this year. I have a very modest retirement ready for me when I turn 62. Many of my friends my age are earning six figures by now, and I'm far from from it.

The average teacher salary is so low that it prices us out of home ownership in THIRTY TWO metropolitan areas. The average Korean teaching salary is 250% more than an American's.

There's more

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/01/opinion/01eggers.html

I know lots of people think teachers are lazy, abuse tenure, and are a leech on the public system. All I can tell you is that most teachers I know work hard, care deeply, and have given up a LOT to stay in the profession. In this profession you regularly hear about some teacher that decided to leave field to get into textbook publishing (or some sort of bullshit consulting, etc.), and the story always ends the same: now they make 4 times the salary. Such a move is always available, and teacher after teacher never takes it. They just keep teaching with in an undervalued profession with low pay and (for some reason) the increasing ire of a nation.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

One Day We Will Be Retired and These Students Will Be Running the World

The following is the last line in an essay written by a high school junior:

"It was, clear, that, in writing 'On the Laps of Gods,', author Robert Whittaker did his research, so to speak."

Read that over a few times. Let it sink in. Say it out loud. Say it to a friend.

It's author isn't one of my students (thank God), but I am still haunted by this sentence. Where to begin? Should we talk about the enthusiastic use of commas? What it means to close an essay by mentioning the author did his research? Or to end with "so to speak," as in "I just said he did his research but I am now casting doubt upon that fact, which means my astonishingly banal comment about what any author does by definition has just been undermined for some undetermined reason"?

So yes, this quote is from an American student. Yes, this is the state of affairs. And this is an honor's student, so ostensibly it gets worse from there.

But not all hope is lost. A few weeks ago I had my class read "Politics of the English Language" by Orwell, and we discussed the crimes regularly committed against good rhetoric. When I asked the students to be aware of the state of our discourse, Conor, one of my best students, brought this sentence (so to speak) to my attention.

Conor is to academics what a five tool-player is to baseball. For the those who don't know, a five-tool player is the rare baseballer who excels at hitting for average, hitting for power, speed on the base paths, throwing, and fielding. Conor is the once-every-10-years kind of student who works hard, is extraordinarily intelligent, creative, hilarious, and empathetic. If Conor is running the world when we're all retired, we'll be in much better shape than we are now.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Pagans in Massachusetts

Cambridge is as secular and progressive as you think it is, maybe more so. That's its reputation: an very liberal town in poster-boy-blue-state Massachusetts. My students are living up to it, and then some.

This past week we've been discussing God: philosophizing about the design argument, the problem of evil, Pascal's wager, etc., and then reading poems by e.e. cummings, Whitman, John Donne and the like.

When I had similar discussions with my Mundelein (IL) high school students, it was clear about 80% of the class believed in God, and maybe 50% would have fundamentalist leanings. In Cambridge, only one kid per class might believe in God (and that one still accepts homosexuality). Every one else is a secular atheist/agnostic. If that one God-believing student dares to say something like "I do think God exists because my faith tells me he does", then TWENTY hands will shoot up in disagreement . . . an occurance I now call "the full force of Cambridge secularism."

From today's class:

MR. JORDAN: "O.K., secular Cambridge students, what if we're all wrong? What if heaven and hell really exists? Because if it does, this whole class will be down in hell one day, and I'll be there teaching. And we'll all look at each other and say 'Oooof. We really got this wrong.'"

BYRON: "Actually, God will probably just take the whole town of Cambridge and send it straight to Hell."

CONOR: "It's like God has America on a computer screen. He just clicks on Cambridge and drags it to hell."

MR. JORDAN: "And then he clicks on Texas and drags it up to heaven."

Hotmail Accounts

Last year I spent a lot of time with twentysomethings. The average age of my program was 26, so I had the chance to see what that generation was all about.

What did I learn?

That they don't use hotmail. I use hotmail, but they don't. They all thought it was hilarious I'm a hotmailer because it's so antiquated, because only old people use it. Gmail and yahoo for the young, hotmail for the old.

But this year I realized hotmail isn't only for the old, it's also for the poor. A lot of my inner-city, low-income urban students have hotmail accounts too.

So, the next time a twentysomething wants to make fun of me for using hotmail, I'll also inform them that, apparently, they like to mock poor minorities too. See how funny that seems, you elitists young'uns.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Good Will Education

Matt Damon was on CNN last night and said the following about education:

"The idea that we're testing kids and we're tying teachers salaries to how kids are performing on tests, that kind of mechanized thinking has nothing to do with higher order. We're training them, not teaching them."

Holy Moses. I agree with the young Matt Damon. 100%. I'm thrilled that he said this and tens of thousands of viewers heard. I'm glad this idea has been dropped into the airwaves. (Anytime I say something similar, I'm usually in a roomful of educators/administrators who think the opposite).

But the other notable thing is that Matt Damon graduated from Cambridge Rindge and Latin School (CRLS), where I am currently a teacher. Which raises some questions:

Did he say what he said because he got the right kind of education at CRLS? Or the wrong kind?

Will he come to visit my classroom one day? Would he be pleased or disappointed?

Did I always have an unrecognized crush on Matt D., which has now turned into full-blown love?

Monday, February 7, 2011

Exchange with an Ex-Student

One of my ex-students just wrote me today. I taught him his junior year, and now he's a freshman at the University of MIssouri. Let's call him Byron. He wrote me one long paragraph, which I broke up and responded to step by step. Here it is:

BYRON: Mr. Jordan, I know it's been a while since we've talked, but i need to ask you a very important question.

MR. JORDAN: Byron, great to hear from you, and I'm honored you've asked for my advice. I'll go step by step through your email, using some fancy colors to distinguish your words from mine. That's right, I love technology, and technology loves me.

Ask me any questions, anytime. Get in touch anytime too. For years to come.

BYRON: I've been considering changing my major from Psychology to either Journalism or English, but something has been holding me back. I've always considered your opinion very highly, and I'm in desperate need for your most honest one.

MR. JORDAN: Honest it shall be. I promise.

BYRON: Going straight to it- I need to know if you think i have what it takes to make it in the writing world. I'm at Mizzou, the top Journalism school in the country, with all the credentials to make it into the J school. The thing that turns me off is how competitive it is. I don't want to waste 4 years of my life, paying thousands of dollars, for something that I might not make it in.

MR. JORDAN: O.K. Honest opinion: I don't think the question is whether you've got the intelligence or the chops. You do. The question is if you want to put in all the work, or if the work is worth it. A mediocre talent who works really, really hard will always make it before a mediocre worker with lots of talent will. Meaning hard, relentless work is the key. For example, I suppose the only real skill I have in the world (perhaps) is teaching. While it'd be nice to say I was born with some teaching talent, 99% of my success and acumen comes from the fact that I've done it every day, day after day, hour after hour, for 17 years. Now I always liked doing it, so it wasn't a drag to put in all those hours, but it was the work that was the key. I think that's the question you'll have to confront.

BYRON: I know you've read some of my best work, or the work I'm most proud of, and I really hope you remember it. I wrote one paper comparing an Animal Collective song to a Jackson Pollock painting. I'll never forget the comment you wrote on the rubric. right next to the 15/15 score i think it said something like, "This might be the best thing you'll write in High School."

MR. JORDAN: Yep, I remember the essay well, and I remember my comment. I meant it.

BYRON: At the time i was super stoked about the score I got, but the comment started to confuse me a little bit. To be honest, I still don't know what you really meant by it, or if I just misread the comment completely. Or if maybe you were just in the comment zone and you were writing that on everyone's paper. I would totally get that. But regardless, I really think your opinion will help me make a decision.

MR. JORDAN: More honesty (but in a good way). I think you were always a little hesitant to hear compliments about your work. I think in your last journal of Honors English 3 you mentioned that you weren't sure if you deserved the grade that you got from me--if I just handed it to you, etc. I'm not so sure your inquiries about your ability are/were what you're questioning though--I think you're toying with the idea of ACCEPTING that you really do have some ability. And the moment you accept that fact, you'd then have to start making some demands upon yourself. You'd realize that you have something you shouldn't squander--a responsibility to live up to your gifts. And to do so would mean (drum roll) . . . you'd need to really put in the time and hard work.

And working hard doesn't just mean doing what you feel like when you feel like it--it means putting in the time EXACTLY when you DON'T feel like it. Because only when you do can you really get somewhere.

I'm sure you've heard this (on occasion) before: Byron is very smart, but doesn't always get his work done. I think that's what you're wrestling with.

BYRON: I don't know if you read any of my journalistic stuff, but i wrote for the newspaper. I actually was the entertainment editor for a while. I feel like it might totally be my ideal style of writing; i'd rather be doing some kind of creative pieces, but i still feel like i could contribute in that world. So I ask that you please respond quickly, i hope my humble subject does it's job.

MR. JORDAN: Now that I'm very old (40, yes, I'm 40), it's become even more clear how short life is. And I'm astonished by just how much people squander the precious years of their lives. Usually they do it for security and money. So if you can say fuck easy security and fuck (lots of) money, then you can really go out and LIVE, you can go out and have a life that's as exciting as it should be (though all that hard work will still be there). When you get to be my age, you meet (and date) lots of people with lots of different careers. Do you know how boring most careers are and how boring they make you? What am I going to say to a trader? Someone who works in pharmaceuticals? Sales? All boring. Soooooo boring. Why are they so boring with boring jobs? Because they wanted to make money, and they traded in their souls and an interesting life to do so. But the person who doesn't mind scraping by and hanging by their fingernails from time to time, those people are damn interesting.

So you might want to ask yourself, what is jazzing you the most? What excites you the most? What would most make you wake up in the morning and say "fuck yeah, I get to live this day today." Might be a good place to start to get an answer.

And, you're young. People change majors all the time. And then they change careers. And then they have successful professional lives in areas that they never studied. So never, EVER think that this decision you might soon make is consigning you to one path. It will just create some options and possibilities for a bit, and then you can change them again if you want.

BYRON: If there's anything crazy/new/awesome that you'd like to share i'd be willing to hear it. How big of a Strokes fan are you? Hope to talk to you soon.

MR. JORDAN: Never really did the Strokes thing, don't know why. I'd take a listen if you think I should.

Since I moved out east I've seen some pretty great shows: Grizzly Bear, Pixies, Built to Spill. But even better, I've seen some killer comedians: Louis CK, Demetri Martin, David Cross, Patton Oswalt.

What about you? What have you been listening to?

Hope this email helps a bit. I really was sincere, and I hope it was more helpful/encouraging than harsh. And be complimented that I thought you were important enough and strong enough to hear it that way.

Write back!

Jordan