This summer, for some reason, I was struck by how little I have compared to my friends. I've got friends who own cars, homes, homes with new additions, summer homes, big screen TVs, big wardrobes, multiple computers, iPhones/Pads/Pods, big sofas, dining room tables, yards, driveways, investments, 401Ks, diversified portfolios, etc. These were friends who were exactly like me long ago, when we were high school pals or sharing a crappy house in college.
And I wondered, what happened to me? Why don't I own anything? I have no property, no car, no television, no stereo, no summer home, and a meager wardrobe. I've got some books, and a teacher's pension (which they always threaten to take away). What did I do wrong? I kind of felt like there was a homework assignment I forgot about that everyone else did.
But there is one advantage to not having anything. There's nothing to rob.
My home in Somerville was robbed yesterday. At 1 pm in the afternoon someone popped off a screen and climbed through a window. They went through the house and ransacked everything. Three laptops from three of my roommates were stolen, along with a couple of nice cameras.
My room? Well, when I walked in there was stuff strewn everywhere. The thief opened drawers, threw out their contents, and looked for something of value to steal. There was nothing. I almost feel like I let him down.
He even came across my crappy, old, out-of-date iPods. Yes, I have two iPod shuffles. They were the first two versions ever made: no touch screen, barely any memory, and the haven't been sold in retail for years. Both of those were taken out of a drawer and were thrown on my bed. Which means the thief saw them, COULD have put them in his pocket, but decided it wasn't worth it.
All he took was a cup of change. It wasn't even my little dish of quarters, which were on another shelf and harder to find. It was just a mug of pennies, nickels, and dimes--$8 at the most. I don't even think it was worth it for the robber, but he might have taken it just because he was angry that I had NOTHING TO STEAL.
Being poor has its advantages. You should try it; it disappoints the right people.
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Ah, the "pleasures" of voluntary poverty. I think of this topic *a lot* as I promised myself I would only work half-time upon the birth of children. An unexpected looming divorce put a wrench into the long-term possibility of that plan--but at the moment I'm still home half-time with my children. But we are *poor.* We depend a lot on hand-me-downs from friends--so my kids look great (although my daughter is more pink than I would choose...). I do not have a stereo, a TV that works (nor cable obviously)--or even winter boots (in Chicago no less)--but effortlessly having children at my age (I as 39 when I started) still strikes me as such an incredible miracle that this is still all I can think about when I go to bed at night. My son is approaching 2, and my daughter is 9 months.
ReplyDeleteOne realization I've had when comparing my (lack of) material items with others is that how much you have in your 40s or so depends largely upon 1. if you have college/grad school debt and 2. how much/if your parents can/could help you with larger purchases.
From your blog, it appears that your brain is *very expensive* (Harvard, NW etc.). You put your $$ into having the time and space to let yourself read, write and think. Consider it the summer home of your mind! I did too--a handful of years ago--when I got an advanced degree and worked part-time to write a dissertation. It was a lovely time--having that freedom to read and write at leisure, at pleasure.
And now--gee, no statistics for this-- how many female PhDs qualify and are on the WIC program? The usual statistics identify particpants by race! Yet I am utterly grateful for the help.
Choosing poverty (as apparently we have) seems to me also a bit of a luxury. I have never actually been in want of food (or a place to live)--and I've always been able to pay my bills--and coming from a background that has made this possible is evidence of my privilege in making this choice of being home w/ my children, despite having a very meager income. I think if you come from a truly underprivileged background, as an adult you'd make sure you never, ever had to go back there.
Thank you for writing on this topic, and please write more if you feel so moved!
Carolyn
Often I think what a theif may rob in my home. The garbage picked t.v. with no cable, the 18 year old gross microwave, the free cycled bins, or the hand me down toys my husbands parents saved. Wait my son saved all his money and bought an i-touch, that's it that's what they would take.
ReplyDeleteI think living a low cost life is more rich in experiences and real living, who needs all the fancy stuff. Admitantly we do have a van I wish I could down size. Most of the summer I make the kids ride their bikes if it is with in a certain distance.
I think growing up where week to week my mom had to budget in milk for us did us a whole lot of good in not wanting things. I just want what I have a great family and friends.