I think I'm the least-fun uncle in the world. Why? Because I I'm opposed to sugar and television. I won't buy ice cream or candy for my niece and nephew, and I won't let them watch T.V. if I'm babysitting. I bring over vegetables in a plastic container to eat in front of them. If they are watching T.V., I cover their eyes.
And do you know what two things children want to do more than anything else in the world? Eat sugar and watch T.V. It would be interesting to put sugar in one room and a television in another room and tell a child to pick a door. They might blow a gasket.
But I found a third thing that makes me the least-fun uncle in the world: I'm opposed to the song "Little Bitty" by Alan Jackson. My niece and nephew LOVE the song and would think nothing of listening to it 20 times in a row. And I have made it my campaign to prevent them from hearing the song--to try to save them from bad art that is defiling our collective cultural consciousness.
In order attack these three crimes against humanity all at once, I wrote my own version of "Little Bitty." I removed the corporate country twang and turned it into a bluesy, folksy number. And I've repurposed the idea of "little bitty" with my own lyrics: my version is about how sugar and television are acceptable only in the ittiest, bittiest amount.
So come and sing along everybody, and join me in being no fun to children:
"Itty Bit, That's It, Thank You"
You have a little dinner at the end of your day
Drink a little milk, have a little bit to say
You ate all your broccoli, ate all your greens
And you’re asking for a little ice cream
It’s alright to have an itty bitty
You can just nibble like an itty-bitty kitty
Just one bite, no more than two
Have an itty bit, that’s it, thank you
You’re a little kid with a lot of growin’ up
You never want to fill up on sugar-filled stuff
Eat a biggie meal as healthy as can be
Then and only then have a little candy
It’s alright to have an itty bitty
You can just nibble like an itty-bitty kitty
Just one bite, no more than two
Have an itty bit, that’s it, thank you
The best of you is right inside your head
You think all day and even when you go to bed
So much to learn and so much to see
But now you ask to watch a little tv
It’s all right watch an itty bitty
Then close your eyes like a sleepy little kitty
Or go outside, read all your books
Then and only then have an itty bitty look
In your head is where you keep your dreams
All the words and stories, and your self-esteem
So don’t slow it down, your head ain’t tired yet
Got so much more than the television set
It’s all right watch an itty bitty
Then close your eyes like a sleepy little kitty
Or go outside, read all your books
Then and only then have an itty bitty look
Monday, August 30, 2010
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First let me say that being a parent is just like teaching, only much more intense and fun (at least for me) b/c it's your own flesh and blood. I have taught for 12 years and am a new mother, and I find the process of a baby growing endlessly fascinating. You teach every moment you are with your kids (and I would love to somehow write more on that subject and think harder about that...). And it's honestly not that hard to have them eat good food and read lots of books and love to play outside if you do all of that right from the start. I am vehemently anti-TV for my son and he didn't watch one speck of it... until my daughter was born when he was 12 months old. Let me just say that parenthood is humbling, and being inside in the middle of winter w/ a 12 month old and a new baby was quite intense. I judiciously (but with great guilt) bought a 25 minute video of children singing nursery songs b/c there was just way too much crying--his, the new baby's, mine in my post-partum state. Lord can I say what a boon that has been to our repetoire of play. He absolutely loves music in general and loves the songs--but not as much as his books or rock piles outside. Children learn through repetion and songs, and the video is good for his cultural literacy as well.
ReplyDeleteFruit has natural sugars, and if your kid gets a taste for having fresh squeezed carrot and orange juice from the juicer, he'll like that as much as the occasional brownie grandma sneaks him when you're not looking... and if they think that dates and prunes and mango is what you get after dinner, they'll look forward to that as dessert! You just have to start them on the reading, good food and fresh air right from the start! That and great naps is this mama's curriculum for her son and daughter...
So you wouldn't rate as a bad uncle to me!
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